My friend Dan visits from Golden, Colorado every now and then. Inevitably, our 100% pure agave friend Don Julio joins us for a projected widescreen western. We had Sam Peckinpah's "Major Dundee" queued up this time, and now Don and Dundee are forever linked.

The 1965 film stars Charlton Heston and was purported to be the best cast ever assembled for a western and is famous for it's huge cost and box office failure. There was a contentious battle between the director and the funders during production. The '65 release was cut without the director's blessing but the 2005 extended DVD version (w/ a brand new score) restores it to agave-infused glory.

The film has that descent-into-madness feel as Major Dundee (Heston) won't give up a fruitless persuit while leading a disjointed collection of U.S. Cavalry, confederate prisoners volunteers, and assorted criminals into Mexico. The stubborn persistance conjures up some peculiar parallels w/ today's cowboy/military endeavors.

There are many odd and funny lines throughout. Here's a sample:

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Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: [addressing his troops] We will serve under Major Dundee's command. And until that time, any disrespect you show the Major will be taken as a personal insult by *me*.

Jimmy Lee Benteen: Don't you worry none, Uncle Ben, when the time comes, we'll turpentine that cauky, chicken-pickin' Yankee...

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: [completely deadpan] I am *not* your uncle, you redneck peckerwood. And if you say one more word, you'll spend the rest of this campaign in *chains*.

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The plot has Dundee suffering great pain and losses as goes after the Apaches into Mexico. He turns to the bottle. There must be a dozen lines about tequila. And, apparently, Peckinpah himself was getting overly tight with Don and not even showing up for shooting! Charlton Heston actually had to both waive his salary and take over direction to finish the rambling epic-to-be, which [!! spoiler alert >> ] ends abruptly after crossing a river ford.

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Maj. Amos Dundee: I want everyone under my command to be drunker than a fiddler's bitch by nightfall.

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While we are on the topic of tequila, get ready for higher prices on fermented cactus juice. Another unintended consequence of Ethanol foolishness has Mexicans torching our favorite cacti to grow corn.

Now, some of you might think of tequila as puke grub from the college days. Friends, as far as we're concerned, it's the sugary margarita mix that scares us. And that Jose Quervo is nasty. We enjoy a fine sippin' tequila just like wine buffs get off on a perfect pinot, and we are willing to pay more per ounce. Winos like grapes, we like the taste of burning rocks.

Sammy Hagar knows... he just made off w/ a cool 80 mil selling his Cabo Wabo brand to Skyy vodka.

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Wiley: If you're lookin' for hard-ridin', Injun-fightin' whiskey drinkin' mulepackers, then by *God* you've got one!

Maj. Amos Dundee: What in the hell am I supposed to do with you?

Sgt. Gomez: He's the biggest drunk, but the best mule packer in the Territory, sir.

Maj. Amos Dundee: What's your name?

Wiley: Wiley.

Maj. Amos Dundee: All right, Wiley. Make your mark.

Wiley: Whiskey?

Maj. Amos Dundee: All you can drink...

[Wiley signs the contract]

Maj. Amos Dundee: ...when you've earned it. Sergeant, take him to a cell and dry him out.

[Sergeant Gomez escorts Wiley out of the room]

Wiley: Well! I ain't never seen anything like this before!

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